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No One Ever Learns (Steve/Bucky, NC-17)

No One Ever Learns (Steve/Bucky, NC-17)
Fandom: Captain America
Pairing: Steve/Bucky
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 240
Summary: "Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it." Sex with Bucky doesn't go as planned.




“Hey, Bucky,” said Steve Rogers, who was Captain America and also naked. “It’s sex time.” Bucky nodded and signed a consent treaty that allowed Steve to occupy his southern region.

Revved up, Steve took out his nine inches of freedom and wasted no time pulling into port in Bucky’s Black Sea. Bucky gasped, but offered less resistance than the Baltic fleet did at the Tsushima strait.

Steve was impressed. “Any more traffic in here and you’ll surpass Sevastapol’s maximum shipping capacity of six-hundred thousand tons per year!”

He reached around and stroked Bucky’s Crimean peninsula until it was almost at autonomous self-governance.

Bucky moaned. His Beyenchime-Salaatin crater was stretched to its limit and his North Ossetian gas pipeline was about to explode.

Steve moved further east, and Bucky’s Crimea was now a full-fledged Kamchatka peninsula. The pressure became too great and one of its twenty-nine active volcanoes erupted onto Steve's hand.

So close himself, Steve pressed on, thrusting deeper and deeper. He felt powerful as he passed through Smolensk, but began to fatigue soon after. He struggled to fend off raids by Cossacks.

Finally, Steve could go on no more. He collapsed onto the bed, defeated.

“How . . . what's happening?” He tried lifting an arm but was too weak.

Bucky leaned over him. “What’s the date, Steve?”

Steve answered in a daze. “December . . . fourteenth?”

Bucky closed his eyes.

“You never invade Russia in the winter,” he whispered.

Steve died of exposure.

About

The F-14 “Tomcat” is an air superiority fighter designed to be an improvement on the F-4 Phantom. The F-14 is equipped with variable geometry wings that can change in terms of total sweep from 20° to 60°. This may be the most recognizable feature of the F-14.

The F-4 phantom cannot be trusted, as ‘phantom’ is another name for ghosts and ghosts both envy and hate the living. Do not trust ghosts. If a ghost offers you something, you should say no. Treat all ghost bites with first aid and holy water immediately.

Armament-wise, the F-14 was designed to be extremely versatile. In addition to an internal 20mm M61 Vulcan cannon, the typical loadout was one AIM-54 Phoenix, two Sidewinder missiles, and two Sparrow IIIs. Though the F-14 was designed to handle multiples, the Phoenix missiles were rarely used.

Do not ever, ever have sex with a ghost under any circumstances, no matter how hot they are: Ghost herpes is incurable and you are stuck with it for life and unlife.

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